In Memory

June 27, 2018

I knew someone once, I knew someone when,

Knowing was all you had to do, today it's just remembering,

My mind concedes to the vacuum of sadness where my spirit is defeated,

And I fill it up with drinks that we used to drink whenever we had the feeling,

To pop another glass, skip another class,

Ask one another for cash when we were too afraid to ask,

Our parents, memories wearing down and today it's my heart on my sleeve that I'm wearing,

It's scary when you try to think what he was going through before he starting preparing,

A rope with a noose that fit his neck,

Nothing to lose and he never did pen,

No note, just cryptic code from the day before,

Things he said we thought were jokes cracked over pizza and coke and then you know,

This whole thing went down and he exhausted his funds, ran low on hope,

He could lend himself no more and signed a blank check for a casket home,

Now we troubled folk over troubled waters at his mother's home,

Brothers choked, fumbling with conflicting accounts of yesterdays on the telephone,

His ashes passes through the waters into the after-life and on after thought,

Could we have done more?

 

I'm a dreamer but my dreams as of recent has been seeing,

The pieces weaving to action, if I could catch them then he would not have been hearing,

In the absence of a filter, a voice asking him to jump from the ledge,

He had a fear of heights so he hung himself instead

 

So I like to keep my whiskey neat on those tough days,

Someone said once the strong stay strong while the weak pray,

I'm quoting cause I need the gospel in this moment,

In the absence of an omen I just inhale whatever is potent,

Coating my brain in a haze, amazed that I blaze,

To this day though I thought that I quit yesterday,

The jesters play in the hand I was dealt with, wait

We could smoke another one before morning breaks and,

Your apparition gets erased,

I pay just to see you once again,

 

I'm hoping that this doping is helping me cope with losing a loved one,

I was trying to see the light in the tunnel, now the dark has me plummet,

We live to grow so attached that it will only hurt, what god could have done this,

So these days I hang out with the atheists and the realists,

Exhausted by the realisation that all that you can make of this is,

The truth is a vacuum, we wade through what is made up,

We thought we booked for act 2, but looks like we had not paid up,

I don't know, these days I call my friends and ask about their health,

Joke a little about current events and end the call with if all is well,

Try to Reach out to people needing help and help those whose arms don't reach out,

Who hide their pain with excuses, bruised armour harmed by that all around,

 

I try to keep myself from the blade,

Lay out words versus pursing my lips in silent rage,

All of us get to an age,

Where what we knew wasn't true and what we know isn't fair,

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