Edited by - Sanyam Garg
not knowing the water below is shallow or deep
Just following the heart and taking the leap,
I might just drown and never come back or I might find my fears cut slack
For I find a rock solid ground and witness a relation that I thought couldn’t be more sound
Mingling with ecstasy profound.
In a world full of futile relationships, it seemed that ours had gone awry
that we had chosen a pool unvisited, a pool that was calm and majestic
Till you decided to change the course
Till you decided to question the love I endorsed.
“Tranquillity dolled up my heart every time I came across your name, your eyes, your whisper or your touch making my life a living fairy-tale, but just before the “happily ever- after”, life took a pause to change the tale.
I wish you trusted me more than you trusted this goddamned world. I wish in my moments of utter despair, your presence was the only deliverance that intervened. I wish you had urged me to chase my ambition - to live my dreams. I wish you could be my diary, leaving no room for falsity. I wish I could stand in the rain, gaze into your eyes and reassure you that I am no betrayer. I wish you could understand that spending time with my family and friends made no difference to the love my heart holds for you.
In any relationship the individuality of both, must be respected. Tell me, what will you do if you were asked to live on barren lands where no water fetched plants or no mercy nurtured shade? As far as I know you, you will stay there for a while and then make a headway back to your coastline, won’t you? Try to understand dear, if a tree is uprooted and replanted at another location, it’ll eventually die due to the serious damage that occurred to the root system. Similarly, our needs and desires are all different. I cannot fall in love with everything you love. I have my own choices. We aren’t pieces to a puzzle but we ourselves are the puzzles. We must be two distinct puzzles which complement each other.
The last few times we fought, I had thought you won’t have me until you have swallowed your pride. It will mark you insane and then I’ll think about returning to our once transverse lane. Consumed in love, I forgave you every time but succumbed to emotions, I did try to fit into your vase’s mould every time. Almost like gravity, isn’t it? Compelling me to rush into decisions while logic berates the swiftness and I still give in to the kick.
Then, the clouded mind of mine woke up to the frightful acknowledgment that my fantasies were a lie, our togetherness was a lie. It is a strange feeling endeavouring to mend something that exists solely in my imagination and yet give my battles to fight. The relationship was dead long back yet the realization of it destroyed me inside out. The avalanche of pain that is burning my heart is the result of the unrealistic trust I had put in you hoping you may change when all rationales said this was transient. So I realise, now is my time to bid the final goodbye.